Christmas Expectations
by sbishoff
Summary: It's Mark's first Christmas at GullsWays. Mark wants to celebrate Christmas and the Judge wants nothing to do with it.


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. I have written this story purely for entertainment purposes.

Author's Notes: This is my first story and I hope you enjoy it.

Christmas Expectations

The judge sat at the desk looking out his window watching his young associate at work. The young man was humming a Christmas carol as he worked.

"_Just a few more weeks and the Christmas will be behind me. Just one more holiday without Tom and Nancy. It's always so hard to get through without them here. They loved this time of year and I can't think of Christmas without missing them so much. It's just easier to not think about it, and just let it pass_," he thought as his mind traveled back in time to happier times, times when his family was still alive.

As thoughts of the past filled the judge's memory, the young man he had been observing was busy finishing putting spark plugs in his car. His mind was also occupied with thoughts of the coming holiday.

OOOOO

"_Christmas, my first since prison_," he thought looking around at his surroundings. "_I haven't felt this at ease anywhere in a long while, like I belong here. I never would have thought that I would feel that way with ol' Hardcase Hardcastle, but I do. Haven't felt like this since Mama died. Maybe this can be a real Christmas, in a place that feels like home. Not like all the ones I spent trying to fit in to someone else's family and never being able to. Well, that's enough of that. It's two weeks until Christmas, time for a tree and to get the lights up. After I finish here I'll see if the Judge wants to help. That'll really make it feel like Christmas_," he thought hopefully, his heart light with thoughts of the holiday season.

OOOOO

Sarah, the Judge's longtime housekeeper was in the kitchen preparing supper and also engaged in thoughts of her own. She has been watching he relationship between the Judge and his latest rehabilitation project develop. Though she had had doubts about the young man when he first arrived, she was pleased that he was different from the rest, that he seemed to be willing to make it work. She sensed that he wasn't a bad kid, just a little misguided. She had also noticed how his smart mouth and quick tongue could infuriate the judge one moment and make him smile the next.

They were just starting to trust one another and open up. But Christmas was coming and she knew how the Judge felt about the holiday. The holidays were just something he muddled through, without the emotional attachments that go with it. She didn't know how Mark felt about the holidays, but if it was like everything else, probably with great enthusiasm.

She hoped that if their views of the upcoming holiday were different, that they could find neutral ground. She feared that a serious misunderstanding over something as important as Christmas could shatter that newly formed fragile bond. "_That would be a real shame_," she thought. Something told her that they needed each other, there they each had something that the other needed.

OOOOO

Mark finished with the car and entered the house whistling and slamming the door as he entered. The judge, hearing the door slam, was startled from his musings.

Leaving the door open, he entered the den and was greeted with a scowl from the older man. "Can't you ever enter quietly or is it impossible for you?" the judge snapped sharply, his nerves already frayed from his memories.

Mark jumped slightly at the sharp tone to the judge's voice. He wondered if maybe it was not a good time and he should wait to ask about the tree and lights. Something about the judge's mood warned him not to press, but he really wanted to get started on decorating.

"Judge, I was wondering…," he started and then hesitated, unsure of how to proceed.

"Wondering, what?" the judge prompted, impatiently when he paused.

"Well, Christmas is coming, and we haven't started decorating yet and I was wondering…" he hurriedly explained.

"No," the judge interrupted before he could finish his request.

"No?" Mark repeated. "But I thought with Christmas coming you would want to decorate and out up a tree. I was thinking we could do it tomorrow. I could hang the lights for you and we could go get a tree. Then we could put it up," he rushed on to explain. "I'll do all the heavy work."

"No." the judge stated again, his temper rising.

"But I thought…" Mark started.

The judge rose slowly, anger clearly visible on his face and in his posture. As he spoke the words grew in volume. "If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked or it. I said no. No tree. No decorations. End of discussion. Now I know you chores to do, so get to them!"

Mark tried to hide his hurt that the judge would not even consider decorating for Christmas, as he turned and slowly left the den to return outside to do his chores. He knew the judge had lost his family and he knew how the holidays made you miss lost loved one more, but he never imagined that the judge would be dead set against celebrating Christmas. He knew the judge could not know how important this Christmas was to him, the first since prison and coming to Gulls-Way.

Ignoring the hurt look on Mark's face, the judge slowly say back down and watched the young man walk out of the den. He quit watching and turned back toward the window once again. "_Hate to disappoint the kid like that but he just doesn't understand. I can't put up a tree without remembering that Nancy and Tom are not here to share it. I should be sharing Christmas with them and making memories with them and since that isn't possible, I'll not celebrate it at all. The kid will get over it_." he thought to himself as he looked out the window.

Unbeknownst to the judge and Mark, Sarah had heard every word of their exchange through the open door. She ached for both men as she knew both were hurting. The judge missing his family so much that he has shut out everyone else who comes near, especially those who he feels an emotional connection to. And Mark, so like a child when it came to some things, like wanting to please instead of anger, and not understanding the anger when it came. "_How could he_," she thought. "_The Judge just lashes out and doesn't explain the reasons. Just leaves Mark wondering what he did wrong_."

She quietly went back to the kitchen to think and finish supper, wondering what she could do to help these two survive this hurt. She knew that if their relationship was to grow then this was an important step for both of them. And she wanted it to grow because she sensed that they needed it, more than they could possibly know.

OOOOO

That evening supper was a quiet affair. Neither man said a word, both absorbed in their on thoughts. Any attempt to draw them out into the conversation was met with short answers and nothing more, so she decided to let it go for the moment.

That evening, Mark offered to help her do the dishes. She accepted the offer because she knew it would give her a chance to talk to him. She approached him as he was washing the plates.

"Mark, I overheard what happened in the den this afternoon," she said quietly hoping to draw him into the conversation.

"It's no big deal," he replied masking his hurt with the added comment "Less work for me to do that way. Just figured since he hadn't done it yet that he would want to, so I offered." He carefully kept his face turned away from her as he spoke so she couldn't see any hurt that might be reflected on is face.

"Mark, the Christmas holidays are very hard for the Judge. He misses his family so much, especially this time of year. His wife loved Christmas and decorated the house from top to bottom, inside and out. Tommy loved Christmas as much as his mother and when he got old enough, the whole family took part in the decorating. Since they died, the Judge hasn't really been into celebrating Christmas. He does what he has to do to get past the holidays and that's all," Sarah explained.

He turned then to face her. She could read sadness and hurt in his face as well and knew he had to be missing his mother and his friend Flip who had just recently died.

"I understand that," Mark replied thinking of his own mother who he missed terribly around Christmas. "I just thought that he may want to. Now that I know how he really feels about it, I won't mention it again." he said.

"Maybe if you give him a few days to think about it, he'll change his mind," she added hopefully.

"Probably not, but that's okay. Just thought it would be nice to celebrate it instead of just enduring it." he said quietly, but not quiet enough to be unheard.

"What do you mean?" she asked him, gently placing her hand on his arm.

"Nothing, it's just my first since," he started to say and then stopped. He turned back to the sink and started washing dishes again.

She turned him gently toward her again. She could see the beginnings of tears in his eyes and her heart went out to him. "Your first since what?' she coaxed .

"Nothing, it's not important. Just forget it." he finished and went back to washing dishes. She knew he was not going to say anymore so she let the conversation end.

They finished the dishes in silence, each absorbed by their own thoughts. Sarah was trying to figure out what he had started to say and something told her that _this_ Christmas was extremely important to Mark. Mark was thinking about how he should have never gotten his hopes up that things would be different here. He may feel at home here, but it still wasn't his home.

OOOOO

After he finished the dishes, he told Sarah he was go for a walk and he would see her the next day. She waited a while and then took a beer from the refrigerator and took it to the judge in the den. He was watching TV when she entered the den. She handed him the beer and stood waiting.

"Thanks, Sarah," he said as he took the beer. He looked up and noticed her standing and looking at him. He knew she had something on her mind. "Do you need something, Sarah?" he asked giving her his attention.

"Your honor, I've worked for you for many years and I know you miss your family terribly. I loved them as well, and I still miss them." she started to say.

"I know you loved them and I know you still miss them," he replied.

"But I have also watched you close off your heart and not let anyone in since. I watched as you shut put those things that bring their memory to the forefront. I know that is why you haven't celebrated Christmas as you used to. You try and pretend that it is just another day and ignore as much of the festivities as possible," she continued.

Sarah, I know you are concerned, but you don't understand," he said.

"Your honor, you're right. I don't understand exactly how you feel. I do know that holidays make their absence more painful. But holiday are supposed to be celebrated. And maybe it would get easier and become possible to remember the good times without so much pain." she told him gently.

"But it's not the same without them," he said sadly.

"I know," she said comfortingly. "But maybe enough time as passed that you can start to enjoy the holidays again without being too painful. Maybe you can start making new memories with new friends."

"I don't know," he responded. "When I think of Christmas, I think of Nancy and all things she did to make it special. And I think of Tom and how much fun we would have hanging lights and putting up the tree. It just hurts so much to think of those things and know that they are nit here to do them anymore. To try and celebrate Christmas and be joyful seems so disloyal. As is I can forget that they are gone and were so much a part of my life." he explained.

"You will never forget that they are gone, but maybe you can enjoy the holidays again and make new memories to treasure. Your family is always in your heart," she told him.

"I don't think I can," he replied.

"Will you think about it. Mark really wants this Christmas to be special. It is his first since prison," she said quietly.

"I know he does, but I don't think I can. Doing those things with him when he is so close to Tom's age seems like I'm replacing him. Putting up the lights and tree are family things and Mark's not my family." he said sadly.

"I know," Sarah said. "But doing things with Mark that you did with Tom doesn't mean you are replacing him or that Mark took his place. He never could nor would he want to. If it hurts too much to do them with him, maybe you could let him do it alone." she offered.

"Maybe. I'll think about it, but I'm not making any promises," he said.

"I know. That's all I ask, that you think about it," Sarah said as she exited the den and went back to the kitchen to plan the meals for the next day.

The judge thought about what she had said. "_I can see why the kid really would want to celebrate Christmas after his last few being in prison. I guess there really isn't any harm in letting him put up the lights. He can do that on his own and I won't have to be involved. I'll tell him in the morning_." he thought and then turned his attention back to the TV program.

OOOOO

Early the next morning, Mark woke before anyone else. He decided that since Hardcastle didn't want lights and a tree that didn't mean that _he_ couldn't have one. He had seen a tree at the tree lot that he liked yesterday when he went for the car parts. It was small and would fit on his table. He had stopped yesterday and asked the lot salesman what time they opened this morning. He hoped it would not cost much since his funds would be tight. He only had a little to spare for the tree and all the decorations he would need. Once he had made up his mind, he got up and got dressed. He decided that since the Judge was not out and about, he would walk down and get the tree. No sense taking the car and drawing attention to himself. If he was lucky he would be back before the Judge realized he was gone.

He started out and not seeing the Judge outside walked down the drive and then down the highway to the tree lot just down the road. He had to wait a few minutes for the lot to open. He picked out his tree and the salesman gave him a deal on lights, tinsel and decorations since he bought the puny little tree that he thought would not sale. It was a little puny, but it would do. Mark left the lot and started home with his treasures.

OOOOO

The judge had got dressed. As he passed his window, he noticed Mark leaving the gatehouse and head toward the gate. "_I wonder where he is going_?" he wondered. "_Probably jogging. When he gets back, I'll tell him that he can put up the lights. That should cheer him up and make him happy_."

He went down to get his breakfast. Sarah served him and he told her that he had seen Mark go down the drive, probably jogging. He told Sarah that he had decided to let Mark put up the lights He decided to go outside and wait for him to get back so he could tell him about the lights. Sarah decided that she wanted to see Mark's face when the judge told him about the lights so she went to a window so she could watch.

The judge was standing outside the door in complete amazement when he saw Mark walking up the drive carrying the tree and a bag of decorations. He could feel his temper rising. "_How dare he go behind my back and being a tree here when I specifically told him no_," he though as he grew angrier and angrier. He could tell the exact moment Mark saw him. He faltered for a split second before continuing on his way up the drive. He started down the walk to meet him.

Mark was feeling pretty happy as he walked up the drive with his tree and decorations. The salesman had given him a good deal on the tree and decorations. He was getting excited about decorating the tree when he looked up and saw the judge standing outside the door. He could tell by the look on his face that he was not pleased. "_Oh, well, nothing to do now but face the music_," he thought as he continued up the drive toward the gatehouse.

"Morning, Judge," Mark replied as he was met halfway to the gatehouse.

"Don't 'morning Judge' me, McCormick. What is that and why is it here?" he demanded.

"It's a tree," Mark replied giving the judge his most charming smile.

"Cut the smart remarks wise guy and all the charm in the world isn't going to save you now. I told you yesterday that I did not want a tree here. You take that back where you got it right now!" he shouted.

"Judge, I know you said no, but I thought…" Mark started to explain.

"I told you yesterday, I'll ask you when I want your opinion or input. Take it back!" he yelled.

"But I got it for the gatehouse," he pleaded, trying to control his emotions.

"I don't want it here. This is still my house and you will do as _I_ say," he stated although he knew that he was pushing too far, but his anger would not let him back down.

"Just because _you_ don't want to celebrate Christmas, doesn't give you the right to stop everyone else." he yelled back, hurt and angry.

"As long as they are staying in _my_ gatehouse, it does." the judge replied angrily. "Now take it back!"

Mark opened his mouth but seeing the look on the judge's face, he decided not to reply. He really didn't want to fight. He turned around silently and started down the drive. He walked past the gate to where he knew he could not be seen from the house. He then lifted his tree over the fence and dropped it and the decorations on the other side. "_Hopefully, they won't all be broken_." he thought. "_I'll come back tonight and get them after the Judge is asleep and put it in the gatehouse. I'll have to skip the lights, don't want to take a chance of him seeing them. I wish I knew how to make the holiday easier for Hardcase. It's supposed to be cheerful not painful_." he thought as he waited for what would seem like the appropriate amount of time to return the tree. He walked slowly back up the drive.

OOOOO

While Mark was returning the tree, the Judge walked back inside the house, grumbling to himself and was met by Sarah. Sensing the tension and having seen the scene in the yard, she grew more concerned for these two stubborn men.

"See if I let him hang the lights now," he remarked. "Go behind my back and disregard my wishes. I'll show him who's in charge here."

"Now, Your Honor, he meant no harm. You heard him tell you the tree was for the gatehouse. He was not going to push his wishes on you," she offered quietly.

"It doesn't matter what he meant. He can not go behind my back anytime he pleases when I tell him no. If I let him do it now, he will do it on everything else. He has to learn that when I say no, I mean no," the judge justified. "He has to know that what I say goes. If he can't respect my wishes on something like this, then how am I ever going to trust him on important issues such as not breaking the law?" the judge continued, his anger dissipating.

"He does respect your wishes, he just doesn't understand them. And what about his feelings or wishes? This must be very important to him for him to sneak the tree in after you said no," she replied.

"Well, he just has to learn that you can't always have what you want," the judge replied.

"I think he already has learned that, maybe too well. Maybe someone else needs to learn that lesson," Sarah spoke as if to herself, but loud enough to be heard.

"Do you mean _me_?" the judge replied, his anger returning. "This is _my_ house and I think I can have things the way I want them."

"Yes, Sir, it is your house and you can do exactly as you wish," she stated as she started to return to the kitchen.

He knew by the expression on her face that she had not said all that was on her mind. If it had been anyone else but Sarah to talk to him as she had last night and now this morning, he would have exploded. But Sarah had worked for his family for years and he allowed that she had earned the right to speak her mind.

"But you're not happy with that?" he asked, waiting for finish the conversation.

"No, I'm not, but I will respect your wishes and not pursue it further. This is his home too and I think it is a shame that there isn't a way that you both can be happy," she said sadly as she returned to the kitchen.

OOOOO

The remainder of the day was quiet. Mark worked in the yard, entering the house only for meals or to see what the next chore was. The judge stayed in the den. He ate his meals in there as well. Sarah worked cleaning the house and worried that perhaps there was no good solution to this situation.

That evening, Mark waited until he saw the judge's light go out and then waited another half hour to give him time to fall asleep. He then quietly left the gatehouse and went to retrieve his tree and decorations. He set up the tree and put the tinsel and decorations on it. Some of the decorations had broken, so he didn't have many left. Even though it was small and very sparsely decorated, he was pleased. It was his. He went to bed feeling very contented. He only had a few moments of worry when he thought about what would happen if the judge found out that he had once again defied his wishes and gotten the tree. He decided not to worry about that unless it happened and settled down to sleep.

OOOOO

The next morning, Mark arose and decided he would not ask about decorating anymore. He would have to just accept that the judge didn't want anything to do with Christmas. He did at least have his tree, he would be happy with that. He had had a lot less in the past.

When he didn't come in for breakfast, Sarah thought he might have still been upset, so she went to check on him. She knocked quietly. Mark came to the door and opened to allow her to enter. She walked in and noticed the tree immediately and wasn't totally surprised to see it.

"Mark, when you didn't come to breakfast, I was worried that you were still upset," she started to say.

"No, I was just thinking. Sorry to have worried you. I'm not upset anymore. I'll accept his decision ns not say anything else about it," he replied.

Looking at the tree, she said, "you probably shouldn't have snuck that tree in here, but I understand why you did it." It looks nice, even though it is kind of bare. Maybe I could get you some more ornaments for it."

"No, that's okay. I've had les. It's fine the way it is," he said.

"You probably should tell him that you brought it here before he finds out himself. He will be very angry if he finds out you went behind his back and against his wishes," she told him.

"I know Sarah," Mark answered sadly. "But I had to have it. I know you don't understand and I can't really explain it, but I needed it," he said, sadness filling his eyes.

"No, I think I do, or at least part of it," she said as she turned to leave. "If you want breakfast, come to the house. And please think about telling the judge about the tree," she said as she left him standing looking at the tree.

OOOOO

The rest of the day passed with less tension than the last few, but it was still there. Everyone seem to have come to the decision to not mention Christmas or decorating, although it was still on all their minds. That evening after supper, Mark and the judge watched a ballgame in the den. Their banter was almost normal as long as they concentrated on keeping their minds on the game and not on other concerns.

OOOOO

When Mark went to the house for breakfast the next morning, he had decided to tell the judge about the tree. When he entered the house, he was greeted with a smile from Sarah and a growl from the judge.

"Morning, Sarah. Morning, Judge," he replied as he sat down and started to eat his breakfast. He ate quietly watching the judge to try and gauge his mood. He was going to tell the judge about the tree if he thought he was in a good mood. Being unable to tell the judge's mood, he decided to wait a little while before telling him about the tree.

"Breakfast was delicious, as usual," he told Sarah as he finished.

"Thank you, Mark," she replied, smiling brightly.

"Come with me," the judge ordered, rising from the table and starting toward the hallway.

Mark was confused by the tone in the judge's voice, but he rose and followed him toward the stairs. As they started up the stairs, he asked, "what are we going up here for?"

The judge didn't answer, he just kept going up the stairs. When they reached the top, the judge went into the room across the hall from his.

"There," the judge said pointing to some boxes. "Those are the lights for the outside of the house. You can put those up. Nothing more. I don't want bothered with it and don't want to hear a word about it or anything else," the judge told him, keeping his voice even.

"Thanks, Judge! That's great!" Mark exclaimed excitedly. Then more seriously, he asked, "does it matter which ones go where or how they are done? Is there any particular way you want it done?"

"Any way at all. I don't care. Just don't bother me with details or questions. And don't bother me anymore about it or decorating," the judge replied.

"I won't and thanks again. It'll look great. Just you wait and see!" he said excited to get started.

"Whatever, just be careful on the ladder," he said walking out of the room. Stopping at the door he turned. "I'm letting you put them up, it doesn't mean I'm going to look at them," he said and then walked down the stairs.

Mark was saddened that the judge was still so upset and not wanting to celebrate Christmas but he decided not to let it spoil his mood. He was going to hang up the lights. He gathered one of the boxes and started down the stairs.

Carrying the box with him, he went straight to the kitchen to tell Sarah.

"Sarah, look. The Judge said I could hang up the lights," he exclaimed excitedly.

"That's great, Mark," she told him, happy to see him so happy. "He told me this morning that he had decided to let you put them up. Did you tell him about the tree?" she asked.

Mark's face saddened for a few seconds as he answered. "No, I couldn't. I can't right now. He might change his mind about the lights and I really want to put them up. I'll tell him tomorrow. I just don't want to do anything to spoil it, I want it to be so special," he replied with sadness lingering on his face. He then picked up the box and looking happier than a few moments ago walked out of the house.

Sarah stood shaking her head as he exited the house, once again happier and more

excited than he had been in days.

OOOOO

Mark spent most of the day hanging the lights and it was after dark when he finished. Once he was done, he turned them on. He went in the house to ask Sarah and the judge to come look at them. Mark suspected that the judge would refuse, but he had to ask. As suspected, the judge did refuse.

Sarah came out to look at the lights with him. She stood beside him in the yard looking up at the lights.

Neither party knew that the Judge had opened his window in the den just a crack to hear what was said. He leaned back from the window so he would not be seen but could hear what was said.

"They're beautiful, Mark. You did a good job putting them up," she told him.

"Thanks, they do look nice, don't they, " he said and glancing toward the den he added, "I wish he would come see them. I know he didn't want them, but I glad he let me put them up. Makes it feel more like Christmas. Not that we had a lot of lights when I was little. Always wanted them though," he said lost in his thoughts.

"Did you and your mom have nice Christmases when you were little," Sarah asked gently. Mark seldom mentioned his childhood but since he had she hoped that he would say more.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean we were together. We never had fancy decorations or anything to but she always tried to make it special. We would hang cardboard stars covered in foil on the tree and pretend that they were real silver and that the chicken was a huge turkey with all the trimmings. May not have been much but it was enough for us. At least I always knew she loved me. After she died, Christmas was never the same. No matter how hard I tried I just didn't fit into the foster families. They didn't want me and weren't afraid to show it," he said, Then realizing that he had said more than he meant to shifted nervously. "Don't pay attention to all that stuff. Just ramblings about things that aren't important. Those lights sure are beautiful," he said trying to change the subject and distract her from the things he had said.

Sarah had stood silently while Mark talked about his childhood. He had never said as much at one time before. She didn't say anything though her heart broke for the lonely boy he had been and the lonely man he still was. She was afraid if she had spoken he would stop talking and she wanted to hear what he had to say. When he realized what he had said she allowed him to change the subject. She also knew that although he discounted the importance of what he had said, it had made a huge impact on his life. She also didn't comment on what he had said. To do so would have made him feel more uncomfortable than he already did.

"Yes, Mark. The lights are beautiful," she replied. She thought to herself as they continued to stand there looking at the lights, "_now it makes more sense why this is so important to him. How I wish you would have had a happier childhood_."

After a short while, they entered the house. The judge waited until they had come inside and quietly slid his window closed. He leaned back in his chair just as Sarah arrived at the door.

"I'm going to go to bed, if you don't need anything else, Sir," she said.

"No, I don't need anything. Have a good night's rest, Sarah. See you in the morning," the judge said.

"Okay. Goodnight, Your Honor. Goodnight Mark," she said leaving the den and going up the stairs.

Mark waited until she had finished talking to the judge and then stuck his head in the door. "Just wanted to say goodnight, Judge," he said.

"Oh, well, yeah. Goodnight, McCormick," the judge replied pretending to be busy with the papers on his desk.

Once Mark left the house, the judge sat back in his chair and thought over the conversation he had listened to earlier. It made it easier to understand why Christmas seemed to be so important to Mark. "_I'm sure glad I decided to let him hang up those lights. That made him happy_," he thought as he considered how Mark may not have had very many good Christmases in the past.

OOOOO

The next day dawned bright and cool. Mark was working in the yard and the judge was looking through the files to see who they would go after next. He figured he could look now and that would pass the time through the holidays. They would start their next case after New Years.

After lunch, Mark went to the gatehouse to change. He was going to take Sarah to town to finish her shopping. He hoped to get his done as well. He had been saving for months for Christmas. He was just coming down the stairs when he heard the door open.

"McCormick, Sarah's ready and…" the judge said as he entered the gatehouse. He stopped when he saw the tree sitting on the stand. His anger started to rise and hw thought, "_I tell him to take that tree back and what does he do, he sneaks it in here behind my back_."

Mark had looked toward the door when he heard it open. He could tell that the judge had seen the tree. "I can explain," he said as he hurried down the last few stairs. "I had already paid for it and I didn't think it would hurt if I kept it in here. I was going to tell you--really. But when you said I could hang the lights yesterday, I was afraid that you would change your mind if I told you. Please don't be mad. I'll take it down if you want," he said as he waited for the judge's reaction.

"I told you to take it back," the judge replied without taking his eyes off the tree.

"I know, but I really wanted a tree and since we couldn't have one in the house, I thought," he said and noticing the judge's face stopped. "I know, if you wanted my opinion or input, you'd ask for it." The judge flinched at his own words and the look on Mark's face as he said them.

"I'll take it down," he said as he started toward the tree.

"You don't have time now. Sarah's waiting," the judge said as he started for the door.

"Okay, I'll take it down when we get back," he said as he left the gatehouse.

He had reached the Coyote and had slid halfway in when the judge said. "you can keep it, but don't go behind my back ever again." He then entered the house before Mark could respond.

Mark slip the rest if the way into the car, stunned. "He said I could keep the tree, Sarah. I thought he was going to make me take it down, but he said I could keep it. This is the best Christmas in forever. Now all I have to do is find the Judge a present," he said excitedly as he started the car.

"That's great, Mark," Sarah said as they started down the drive.

He and Sarah had a nice time in town. They split up for a while so each could get their gifts. Mark found Sarah's quickly as well as the ones he picked up for Frank and his wife. Mark was passing an collectible and antique shop when he noticed a sign in the window. It read "Replica Guns from Lone Ranger Show." When he walked closer, he saw two silver guns laying in a wooden box. The box also had the signature in the lid. He decided to go into the shop and check it out.

"The pair of guns in the window, how much? Is the signature authentic?" he asked the shop owner.

"Yeah, the signature is authentic. The guns used to belong to my grandfather. He always swore that they were the real guns from the show, but he was always making things up. When he gave me the guns, I didn't want them. Since they are replicas, collector don't want them. I'll let you have them for $75.00 and that is more for the signature than the guns. I'll just be glad to be rid of them." the shop owner told him.

"I'll take them," Mark replied as he started counting his money. It took nearly ever cent he had, but he had just the thing to make it special for the judge. "_It must be my lucky day_," he thought as he exited the shop and headed back to the Coyote.

He waited by the car for Sarah to return. When he saw her coming, he went to help her with her packages. Once he got her things into the car, he helped her in. Her then got in the car and they started for home.

When they got back to Gulls-Way, Mark helped Sarah take her things into the house. Then he went back to the Coyote to get his gifts and paper and took them to the gatehouse.

He wrapped the gifts for Sarah, Frank and Claudia first. He was reaching for the judge's present when he accidentally knocked it off the desk. When he picked it up, he noticed, that the felt on the bottom of the box had come loose from the wood. He set the box down and went to get the glue to fix it. When he laid the felt down, he felt something under it. He slid his finger under the edge and pulled out a small typewritten card. He set it aside and fixed the felt on the box.

After he had fixed the felt, he laid the box aside to dry and picked up the card. He was shocked when he read what was written on it. In fact, he had to read it about three times before he believed that he hadn't imagined what it said. He read it again, just for good measure. "_Enclosed is one authentic pair of pistols used during the Lone Ranger TV Series. These pistols were donated to this charity auction for building a children's hospital by the show's network. The actor also autographed the inside of the box_."

He couldn't believe it. The actual guns used during the show. He was glad that the shop owner hadn't known what he had, because he probably never could have afforded them then. He wrapped them thinking, "_I can't wait for the Judge to see these. Too bad it's only Wednesday, and Christmas is still a week from Saturday_." He placed it under his tree to wait until Christmas.

OOOOO

On Thursday, Frank stopped by after work. He walked over to where Mark was working under the hood of the truck.

"Hello, Mark," he said as he got closer.

"Hi, Frank," Mark said, his head still under the hood.

"I see Milt hung his lights this year," Frank commented.

"He didn't want to and he won't look at them, but he did let me put them up," Mark replied, still from under the hood.

"Well that is more than in past years," Frank replied, patting Mark on the back. "Is he inside?"

"Yeah, he's in the den looking at the files to see what our next case is for after New Years. Frank, could I ask you a question?" he asked.

"You just did, but I guess that wasn't it. Sure, go ahead," he said.

Mark raised from under the hood of the truck. He stood with his back to him and asked, "You've known the Judge for a long time. Has he really not decorated or celebrated Christmas at all since his wife died?"

"Yes, pretty much. Oh, he would go to parties if he couldn't get out of it. But here at Gulls-Way, he would just go on as if it was a day like any other, as if the holiday didn't exist," the lieutenant explained.

"I hope that by wanting to decorate, I haven't upset him too much. I just wanted it to be special since..," Mark said and then realizing what he was saying stopped.

"Since what, Mark?" Frank questioned.

"Nothing, just letting my mouth get away from me." he responded.

"Is there something on your mind? Something you want to talk about?" Frank asked, watching the young man closely.

Mark was still had his back to Frank as he spoke. "Don't let the Judge hear you say that. He'd say that there had to be something in there first for there to be something on it.. He bent back under the hood of the truck and after a moment he said, "no, nothing anyone can do anything about. Just something that can't be."

When Mark didn't offer anymore after a few moments, Frank knew the young man had closed the subject. One thing he had learned since the young ex-con had come to live at Gulls-Way was if he didn't want to talk about something, nothing could get him to.

Deciding to change the subject he asked, "are you coming with Milt when he comes to the house on Christmas Eve?" When he saw Mark stiffen, he regretted asking.

Mark raised his head from under the hood and faced the lieutenant for the first time since he had arrived. The first thing Frank noticed was the troubled look in the young man's eyes. "I doubt it. The last thing the Judge wants right now is to spend time with me," he said looking to the ground. "But I understand. I know how hard it has to be for him with his wife and son gone," he replied.

"Well, if you change your mind, I want you to know that you are invited too." Frank replied.

"I appreciate that," Mark looked up smiling slightly. Then turning back to the truck, he added, "but I don't think it's a good idea. I think it's best for him to stay here, and let him have his space."

"Well, you are still coming to poker tomorrow night, aren't you?" Frank asked, already suspecting the answer.

"No, I don't think so. Maybe after the holidays are over and the Judge can look at me without seeing his someone else," he replied sadly.

"Mark, I'm sure that's not what's happening," Frank said, trying to ease the young man's mind.

"Well, maybe not seeing, but I know when he looks at me, he thinks of his son. I can see it in his eyes. It's there every time he looks at me and I don't know how to help him except stay away from him. It seems easier for him as long as he doesn't see me much." the young man said still working on the truck.

"Are you planning on avoiding him for the next week?" Frank asked trying to determine what was best way to help the young man.

"If that's what it takes to make it easier for him. I don't want to hurt him any more than he already is," Mark replied..

"But what about you? How about how you feel?" Frank asked, surprised to find he was concerned about the young man's feelings. He knew he had liked the kid, but never realized that he really cared for him until he saw how much he was hurting now.

"I'll be okay. Mama taught me that Christmas is about caring for others so I want to make it as easy for the Judge as I can," he answered. "You had better get into the house before he starts worrying that I'm in some sort of trouble, with you standing here talking to me for so long," he teased, ending the conversation.

Frank, picking up on Mark's desire to end the conversation on a lighter note, followed his lead. "Yeah, I'd better. Talk to you soon," he said as he headed into the house.

Frank entered the house and found the judge seated at his desk.

The judge looked up as he entered and remarked, "well, it can't be too bad. You didn't slap the cuffs on him."

"No, I was actually admiring the lights. It's nice to see them up again after so long," he replied deciding not to avoid the topic.

"I could have gotten by just as easily without them, but it seemed important to him so I let him put them up," he replied glancing out the window.

"How are you two doing with the holidays coming?" Frank asked.

"I just want the holidays over, but he seems determined to make a big deal out of it," the judge replied trying to hide his feelings.

"Milt, I've know you a long time. I know the holidays have always been rough on you. But maybe getting back into the swing of things is just what you need," he suggested.

"I just don't seem to be able to," the judge replied.

"You know, Mark thinks that you would rather not be around him. That when you look at him, you're thinking of Tom," Frank said hoping to find the young man was wrong.

But the eyes that looked back at him told him even without words that Mark had been correct. "I didn't realize that it had been that obvious. I thought maybe he wouldn't be able to tell."

"Well he can and he does. He said that he understands and that is why he is trying to stay out of your way. He's trying to make the holidays easier for you," Frank informed him.

"I knew he was making himself scarce, but I didn't realize it was because he knew how I felt. I thought he was trying to avoid a fight, or was upset with me because I won't let him decorate like he wants to. Although I will admit it has been easier since he's not constantly underfoot," the judge stated.

"When I asked him if he was coming to poker tomorrow night or to the house Christmas Eve, he said no. He wants to do whatever makes this holiday easier an bearable for you."

"Yeah, I know. I didn't tell him about the plans for Christmas Eve because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I was just going to tell him I was going for a drive. I couldn't tell him that I didn't want him to go with me," the judge remarked sadly.

"Well, now that you know how he feels, what are you going to do about it," Frank asked.

"Nothing. He said he understands. I'll make it up to him after New Years," the judge replied.

"Milt…," Frank started.

"No, I know what I'm doing. He understands and once the holidays are over, we'll be fine," he interrupted.

"I hope so," he said, not so sure.

"Well, what really brought you all out here," he asked to change the subject.

"I just came to tell you that poker was starting at the usual time, but it has been moved to my house. Charlie's wife is sick with the flu and he wants to stay with her, and allow her to rest. Since Mark won't be there either, we will need to find two fill ins. I will ask a couple of the guys who have filled in before," he told him.

"Okay, I'll see you around six," the judge said.

The conversation turned to more neutral topic such as Frank's wife and work. Frank talked to the judge for about an hour and then decide to go on home. Since it was after dark when he got outside, he stopped for a moment to admire the lights that Mark had just turned on.

"They do look good, Mark," he told the young man who was also looking at them.

"Yeah, I guess," he replied, his mind obviously elsewhere.

"No, they really do look good," Frank reassured him.

"Sometimes I can't get enough looking at them. My mom would have loved them. She loved all the lights at Christmas time," Mark replied not even realizing that he had spoken out loud.

Knowing that Mark had spoken his thoughts unknowingly, Frank let the comment pass as if unspoken. "If I don't see you before Christmas, have a merry one," Frank said.

"I will, and you too. Tell Claudia I said Merry Christmas," he said as he turned and walked toward the gatehouse.

Frank watched a the young man walked to the gatehouse, noticing how dejected he looked. _"I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Mark, much better than it's looking right now. You and the Judge deserve better_," he thought as he pulled out of the drive and headed home.

OOOOO

Friday evening, the judge prepared to go to the poker game. He found Mark in the kitchen helping Sarah with the dishes.

"Mark, I want to lights off when I get home from the game tonight," he said as he entered the kitchen.

"Okay," Mark said, not turning so the judge didn't see the hurt on his face. "What time will you be home so I know what time to turn them off?"

"Just turn them off around midnight to be safe," the judge answered as he got ready to go.

"Sure," Mark replied and continued on the dishes. He remained quiet for a long time after the judge had left. Sarah knew that the judge's request had hurt Mark deeply.

"Mark, are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered. "What do you want to do after the dishes? It's just you and me tonight. Of course if you want to be alone, I understand. After all, you're around us…," he started to say.

"No, it's okay. I thought maybe we could play some cards ourselves. Maybe some rummy," she suggested, not wanting to leave Mark alone this evening.

"I don't know how," he answered.

"I'll teach you," she offered and was pleased to see a smile on his face.

"Okay," he said, glad not to be spending the entire evening alone.

They spent the evening playing cards. Mark caught on to the rules quickly. Once he knew how to play, Sarah found him to be a very challenging opponent. They enjoyed their game very much.

Mark had been very busy that day and around 11:00, he started to grow tired. Sarah noticed and decided that they had played long enough. "After this hand, I think we should call it a night," she suggested.

"Okay, I am a little tired," he said.

Once the hand ended, they cleaned up their snacks and put the cards away.

As he got ready to go to the gatehouse, he said, "I had better turn the lights off now so I don't forget."

"Oh, leave them on. I want to look at them for a while. I'll turn them off later," she said.

"Okay," he said as they walked outside. They stood watching the lights for a few minutes and then Mark excused himself to go to bed. Right before he climbed into bed, he glanced out his window to see Sarah still watching the lights.

Sarah did love seeing the lights back on the house again, but she was also keeping an eye on the gatehouse. Once she saw the last light go out she waited a few more minutes and then quietly went back into the house. She knew that what she was planning was sneaky, but she felt it needed to be done. She walked to the den to take her spot in front of the TV.

As the judge pulled into the drive at 1:00 am, the first thing he saw was the Christmas lights still on. He stopped the car. First he was angry that Mark had left them on when he asked him not to. As he looked at the lights his thoughts turned to his family. "_Oh, Nancy and Tom, I miss you so. I wish you were here to see the lights. It looks just like when we did them. So beautiful_." For a moment his thoughts were bittersweet and then he thought, "_the kid didn't do a bad job at putting them up_."

As soon as he thought of Mark, he felt his anger return. "_He knew I didn't want to see those lights. He probably left them on on purpose, knowing I would have to see them when I cam home. Well, we'll see about that. I'll tell him tomorrow that the lights have to come down. We'll see how he likes that_," the judge thought angrily as he parked the truck and entered the house slamming the door.

Sarah, who had been pretending to be asleep in the den, came out when she heard the door slam. She was pretending to wipe sleep from her eyes when she spotted the judge. "Oh, Your Honor, I'm sorry. I fell asleep."

"That's okay. I didn't mean to startle you when I came in," he said. The he asked, "why did Mark leave the lights on? You heard me ask him to turn them off."

"I'm sorry. That's my fault. He was going to turn them off after we finished playing cards and before he went to bed, but I asked him not to. I told him that I wanted to look at them a while and that I would turn them off for him. I watched them for a while and came in to watch the news. I was going to turn them off after it was off but I must have fallen asleep. We'll be more careful from now on. I'm sorry," she explained.

"Well, okay, I guess it's all right if it was and accident and he didn't do it on purpose," the judge said as he turned them off. "We'll just forget it happened," he said as he started up the stairs.

"Yes, Your Honor," Sarah said as she also went up to bed.

OOOOO

The weekend and the beginning of the next week passed uneventfully. Mark did his chores and avoided the judge as much as possible so as to not cause him discomfort. The judge occupied himself with his files. Sarah maintained the household while worrying about the judge and Mark.

Tuesday evening, Mark went out to look at the lights, as he did every night. He noticed a few bulbs that had burned out. He decided that he would pick up some the next day when he went to town to pick up the things Sarah needed and had asked him to get.

OOOOO

Wednesday morning after breakfast, Mark went to pick up Sarah's supplies and to get the bulbs for the lights. While he was gone, the judge went to the kitchen to talk to Sarah.

"Sarah, are you going to your sister's for Christmas this year," he asked, curious since she hadn't mentioned being gone.

"No, I'm going to stay here this year," she answered.

"But you always go to your sister's. If you are staying because you are worried about Mark and me, don't. We will be fine. It's only for a few days. I'll be okay, especially since Mark has been making himself so scarce. He understands and has been trying hard to make it easier. And it has been," hr told her.

"No, my sister is going to Florida to spend the holidays with her daughter. She told me her plans to go when I was there for Thanksgiving and I told her that I would just stay here then," Sarah explained, glad that it was the truth and she hadn't had to make up a reason to stay at Gulls-Way.

"If it's the extra distance, you could be stay for longer. If it's the added expense for the ticket, I'll gladly pay for the ticket," the judge offered.

"No, that's not it. My niece just recently had her baby and there will be enough extra work for her with her mother visiting, let alone her aunt. I thought I would make dinner for you and Mark. But if you would rather I not be here, I an go stay with a friend," she told him.

"No, of course not. If you want to stay here you are more than welcome to. This is your home as well. You don't have to make anything special for the dinner," he told her.

"I know. I'll make something to make it nice but not overly unusual," she told him, knowing that he connected the meal with his family as well.

"Okay. Do you know where McCormick went?" the judge asked.

"Yeah, he went to pick up those things I asked him to last night and he said he needed to go to the hardware store to get replacement bulbs for the lights. There are some that are burned out and he wants to replace them today," she told him.

"Oh, okay," the judge replied as he walked back to the den.

OOOOO

Mark returned around noon and helped Sarah put away her supplies. He then got the ladder and turning the lights on, marked all the burned out bulbs with a marker. He then went and turned the lights back off and got ready to replace the bulbs.

He was on the last few bulbs that needed replaced when the ladder suddenly shifted and fell to the ground with a loud crash. Mark had quickly grabbed the rooftop and the light sting when he felt the ladder slipping. He knew that judge would hear the noise and come to see what the problem was. All he had to do was hold on until he got there. But the roof was icy and his hands were starting to slip. He tried to get a better grip and pull himself up onto the roof, but no matter how hard he tried, he kept slipping. He lost his grip on the rooftop, and as his hand slipped from the roof he cried out in fear. "Judge!" As he slipped, the string of lights snapped from the sudden weight from his body. The last thing he was aware of was falling.

The judge heard a loud crash and rushed outside to see what had caused it. The first thing he saw was the ladder lying on the ground. He looked up to see McCormick hanging on the edge of the roof. "McCormick, hold on!" he yelled to him as he saw him slipping.

The judge rushed to the ladder but never reached it before Mark lost his grip on the rooftop. His weight pulled against the light strand suddenly and it snapped hurling Mark to the ground. Mark's body hit the ground with a loud thud and his head hitting the edge of the driveway.

Sarah having also heard the crash came running, She heard the judge's call and Mark's cry as she reached the door. She came around the corner to see the judge kneeling beside Mark's still body.

"Sarah! Call an ambulance and bring a blanket!" the judge yelled not knowing she was right there.

"Yes, Sir," she said as she hurried back into the house to make the call and get the blanket.

"Hold on, kiddo," the judge pleaded as he sat own beside him. "You're gonna be okay," he comforted. He gently felt the back of Mark's head and found a large knot forming.

Sarah returned with the blanket, which she handed to the judge. "The ambulance is on the way. How is he?" she asked, concerned.

The judge spread the blanket over him. "He's got a bump on the back of the head. I'm pretty sure his arm is broken. Other than that, I don't know," the judge said, his voice full of concern.

Sarah stood watching and waiting for the ambulance. She was very concerned because he was unconscious.

Mark let out a faint moan and tried to open his eyes. "Sorry about the lights, Judge," he said.

"Don't worry about them," the judge replied.

"But I wanted it to be so special. I wanted your and my first Christmas to be special," he continued growing agitated.

"Relax, try to stay calm and still. You took a nasty fall: the judge said trying to keep him from moving.

"But you don't understand, You miss your family and I miss Mama. I don't got no one else but you," Mark said. "I wanted to make it special for you. Maybe give you some things I never could give Mama."

The judge was starting to become concerned. Mark's eyes had become glazed and his speech was starting to slur.

"Judge, I wanted to thank you for giving me a chance. Haven't felt like belonged since Mama died. Feels like home here, " Mark said his voice trailing off as he started to slip into unconsciousness.

"Hey kiddo, stay with me," the judge coaxed, trying to rouse him.

"I'm tired and my head hurts. Just want to close my eyes for a moment," he said.

The judge gingerly nudged his shoulder. "No, you need to stay awake. The ambulance will be here in a few minutes. You're gonna be just fine, but you have to stay awake."

"I'll try," he said and then fell silent. The judge thought he may have lost consciousness but then he spoke again. "Judge…Sorry…broke the lights…wanted to fix them… but broke them…" he said getting upset.

The judge tried to calm him. "Mark, don't worry about the lights. They are not important," the judge said.

"Are important…Can't be right without them…Want it to be perfect…Messed it up…always mess everything up…," he said sluggishly. He was struggling to stay awake and tell the judge all the things he wanted to. "Never felt like home…not since Mama died… to show you how much means to me…not alone anymore…need repay you…feel wanted…," Mark said as he closed his eyes.

"Hey, kiddo, stay with me. Come on. You can't go to sleep," the judge urged.

"So sleepy…Can't Judge…Sorry…" he said his voice fading.

"McCormick, you open your eyes right this second!" the judge tried more forcefully to try to wake him. There was no response. The Judge could here the siren in the distance getting closer. "Come on, McCormick. I can hear the ambulance. Hold on a little longer," he pleaded.

The ambulance pulled into the drive and the attendants approached and asked for details of what happened. The judge told them that he had fallen. He told them that he had been unconscious after he had first fallen and that he had regained consciousness and just recently passed out again.

They took his vitals and notified the hospital of his condition. They splinted his arm and immobilized his neck and back in case of injury. They put him on the stretcher and loaded him in the ambulance. They got in and started to the hospital.

The judge and Sarah got in the truck to follow him to the hospital. The judge knew Sarah was worried about Mark like he was, so he tried to put her mind at ease.

"He'll be okay, Sarah," he reassured her.

But he was so pale and still," she replied. "And it's not good that he passed out again," she said as tears filled her eyes.

"Sarah, he's young and strong. The doctor's will take good care of him. He'll be okay," he said trying to calm her.

"But it's almost Christmas. And he wanted it to be so special. He kept trying so hard and now…" she broke off as she started to cry.

"Sarah," he started, and then stopped not sure what to say.

""If something happens to him," she started.

"Nothing is going to happen to him. They have good doctor's at the hospital. He'll be fine," the judge said trying to reassure Sarah and himself. He drove in silence thinking about how things had been over the last week.

OOOOO

They arrived at the hospital and rushed inside. Mark was already in an examination room, so the judge gave the desk clerk his personal information. He told her that he would be paying the bills. Once he was done, she told them to wait in the waiting room and the doctor would be with them shortly.

They had waited for what seemed like forever, but had been forty five minutes. When the doctor came in the room, he asked for the McCormick family. The judge and Sarah both rose. He walked over to them.

"I'm Dr. Peters. Please, sit down," he told them. "Your son," he started to say only to be interrupted by the judge.

"He's not my son. I'm Judge Milton C. Hardcastle. Mark is a friend, a good friend," the judge said.

"Oh, I see," the doctor said and then hesitated.

"Could you please tell us how he is," Sarah pleaded.

"I should discuss his condition with his family first," the doctor replied.

"He doesn't have any family. We are all he has," Sarah told the doctor. "Please, tell us."

"I see. Well, in that case I should tell you," the doctor replied. "Your friend is very lucky. He has a broken arm, which is being set right now. He has a concussion, but there is no skull fracture. There is no evidence of spinal injury. Because of the concussion and the fact that he was unconscious immediately after the fall and lost consciousness again after waking, I'm going to keep him a few days. With rest and care, he should be just fine"

"Oh no," Sarah cried.

"Sarah, you heard the doctor. He's going to be fine and he only has to stay for a few days. He'll be home by Christmas," the judge reassured her.

"Barring any complications, he can go home on Christmas Eve," the doctor informed them.

"Can we see him?" Sarah asked.

"Let them get him get his arm set and get him settled in a room and you can see him. I'll let you know as soon as he is in his room," the doctor said as he rose to go back to the examining room.

"See Sarah, you were worried over nothing. He's going to be fine. The kid's pretty tough," he told her.

"I'm glad," she replied.

They sat and waited a while longer and then the doctor came to take them to Mark's room.

"Now, he may be a little disoriented. He was sleeping when we brought him up here," the doctor said. "If you have any questions or need anything, I'm on duty until 8:00 this evening," he said and then started down the hall.

They entered the room quietly, trying not to disturb him if he was asleep. He was sleeping so they each took a chair and sat watching him as he slept.

Sarah sat thinking of the young ex-con who had entered their lives such a short time ago and had changed it more than they ever thought possible. "_I had seen the judge's previous attempts to rehabilitate ex-cons. I had seen him get his hopes up time and time again, just to have them dashed when the ex-cons proved to have no desire to be rehabilitated. When he brought you home, I just knew that you would be like the others. I made it no secret to you, that I didn't think you belonged or deserved to be there. But the Judge said you were different, didn't know how he was so sure, but he was. So at first I watched and waited for the time you would prove you were like the others. But time after time, you proved me wrong and that the Judge was right. I think you even surprised the Judge. As time passed, I came to realize that there was a lot more hidden under the surface. You hid a lot of loneliness and pain from your own past, pain that explained a lot of reasons you act as you do. As I realized that, I saw the real you, the one the Judge knew was there all along. As time passed, I grew to care for you, to hold you in my heart. Oh, Mark, I should have told you. You should know how important you are to me, and I am going to make sure you do."_

As Sarah was lost in her own thoughts, the judge was lost in his as well. The things Mark had said to him after he fell as well as what Sarah and Frank had told him about Mark's willingness to sacrifice his own desires for Christmas to make it easier for him to get through it.

He sat watching the young man sleep trying to sort it all out. "_Well, kiddo, you're going to be okay. You really had me scared there for a while. All that talk about wanting to make the holiday special for me. What about you? Frank said you were avoiding me to make it easy for me. Sarah told me that it was important to you and I didn't care. I said no and you said okay. I gave you no choice in coming here and now no choice about Christmas. I never even asked why it was so important to you to celebrate it. I didn't stop to consider that you had a rough childhood and probably not very happy Christmas memories. All I cared about was my loss and the pain I felt at Christmas. I didn't want to know that you were hurting too. That you had people you missed too. But even though you miss your Mama, you still wanted to make my Christmas great. Frank told me you knew that I was thinking about Tom when I looked at you. That's entirely true. I saw you, but thought that it should be him here with me. But that's not fair to you. You are here and have every right to be acknowledged for yourself." _

They had been sitting for a while, lost in thoughts, when Mark let out a soft moan.

"Hey, kiddo. How are you feeling?" the judge asked.

"My head hurts like it was used for a basketball. And my arm hurt, all of me hurts." he said, trying to sit up in bed.

"Whoa, you lie still. I'll raise the bed," the judge said, then raised the head. Once he was raised, the judge and Sarah helped him get more comfortable.

Sarah brushed the hair from his forehead and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Don't you ever scare me like that again. You could have…," she said and then didn't finish the sentence. Starting over, she said, "You should be more careful."

"I will. I'm sorry I worried you," he said. Then dropping his eyes he added, "Sorry I ruined Christmas."

"What are you talking about?" Sarah asked. "You didn't ruin anything. You'll be home in time for Christmas. The doctor said you could come home on Christmas Eve."

"Yeah," he said not really sounding convinced.

"Mark," the judge started and then stopped because he didn't know what to say to help him feel better.

"No, I did. I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted to show you how much I appreciated the chance you gave me. I wanted to give you what I couldn't give to Mama, and always wanted to." he said, starting to become upset.

"Now, Mark, it's okay. Don't get so upset. You need to relax," Sarah comforted. "You just had a bad fall and need to rest."

"But I ruined it. I made the judge angry and upset instead of happy. I broke the lights, lights he didn't want me to put up in the first place. I got my tree even after he said no," he said rising as he became more and more upset, tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Mark, you ruined nothing. Lights can be replaced. I was being stubborn about the decorations. Relax so you can get well." the judge coaxed, pushing the young man back against the bed.

"Mark, you just wanted to celebrate Christmas. There's nothing wrong with that," Sarah said as she brushed the tears from his cheeks.

"I always mess things up. I would do something wrong to make the foster families not want me. I try to do right, but always mess up. I want to race, but messed that up with Melinda. I try to help Barbara and mess it up. Then you take me home and give me a chance, and I ruined it." he said becoming distressed.

"Mark, you didn't ruin everything. You may have made some mistakes, but you are not bad. You tend to act before thinking." the judge explained. "You haven't ruined anything with me. I haven't been very fair to you over the last week. I pushed your feelings aside and ignored them." he continued.

"Judge, I know you miss your family. I understand that you didn't want me around. I thought if I could make it perfect, you wouldn't send me away. I haven't had a home in a long time, not one that really felt like home. I felt that way at Gulls-Way and wanted to show you I was grateful. I wanted this Christmas to be perfect," he said tearfully. Mark was becoming more depressed as he spoke. He laid back his head and closed his eyes in exhaustion. "I was finally home, never felt wanted before." he mumbled as he drifted back to sleep.

The Judge and Sarah stood watching the young man sleep.

"I didn't know he felt that way," the judge said.

"I knew that Christmas was important to him, I just didn't really understand why," Sarah replied.

The judge sank back down in the chair he had been sitting in earlier thinking. "_The kid was working so hard to make it good for me and I didn't even stop to think what it was costing him. He wanted to show me that it felt like home to him and I did everything to show him that it wasn't his home. No wonder he was afraid I'd send him away. Well, kiddo, I think it's my turn to show you where you belong."_

Sarah sat watching the judge and Mark. She knew that the things Mark had said here and at the house had deeply disturbed the judge. She could see that he was deep in thought. She saw the look on his face change from distressed to hopeful and then determined. She didn't know what he was thinking, but she knew that he had come to some sort of decision.

They sat quietly as Mark slept. When he woke later that evening, he didn't comment on what he said earlier. Since the doctor had said he may be disoriented upon waking, they thought he might not remember it. He did remember, but he was too embarrassed to mention it and try to explain. He thought he would just ignore it unless they mentioned it.

Sarah and the judge sat with him until visiting hours were over. Mark was calmer and seemed more alert. He was glad that he could go home on Christmas Eve although he didn't see why he had to wait that long. He told them that he felt fine, and as long as he didn't try to move he might have been able to convince himself that he did.

OOOOO

Once the judge and Sarah arrived home, the judge walked into the den. Sarah followed him inside. The judge sat at his desk and Sarah sat in front of him.

"Sarah, I need to make some plans and I need your help. He has tried to make this a special holiday and I wanted nothing to do with it. Well, it's time I put that aside and did something to make it nice for him. You were right, this is his home, but I wasn't acting like it. He had as much right to celebrate Christmas as I did not to." he said trying to decide what to do first.

"I'll help any way I can. What do you want me to do?" she asked.

"I want a real Christmas dinner like you and Nancy would make. I want all the trimmings. I'll talk to Frank and see if he can help me tomorrow with the house. Maybe instead of me going to his house on Christmas Eve, he and Claudia could come here. Maybe we could have a small welcome home party and exchange our gifts with them. I'll call him right now and see," he said, starting to get excited.

"I'll need to get some things from the grocery store." she said, as she started thinking of the things she would need.

"Give me a list and I'll pick it up tomorrow when I get new lights and the things I'll need to finish the decorating," he said, picking up the phone and dialing Frank's number.

"Hello, Claudia," he said when Frank's wife answered the phone. "I'm fine Is Frank home?" At her answer he said, "good, can I speak to him please?"

Frank came to the phone. "Hello, Milt," he said and waited to see what his friend wanted, hoping it wasn't a legal issue.

"I was wondering if you were going to be busy tomorrow. I need some help," the judge started to explain.

"No," Frank answered, interrupting him. "I'm not getting mixed up in any cases right before Christmas." Claudia who had walked to the door, decided to remain and hear the conversation, her curiosity peaked.

"No, that's not it. I need help with something else. McCormick fell from the roof today and…" the judge explained.

"What?" Frank interrupted. "Is he okay? How bad was he hurt?" he asked.

"He was working on replacing bulbs in the Christmas lights when the ladder fell. He slipped before I could get the ladder back up. He's going to be okay. He broke his arm and has a concussion. The doctor want to keep him a few days, just to be sure. He will come home on Christmas Eve. That's why I need your help," the judge informed him.

"What can I help you with?" Frank asked, curious now that he knew it didn't involve a case.

"McCormick was wanting to decorate the house and make Christmas special. He was doing everything to make it bearable for me, including staying clear of me. He was sacrificing his feelings to ease mine. He wanted a Christmas like I don't think he's ever had, and he deserved to have it. And I intend to see that he does. I was wondering if you weren't busy tomorrow, maybe you could help me put up decorations and fix the lights. I'll need to get a tree," the judge said, his animated voice carrying over the line.

"Milt, I'd be glad to help you with the decorating," Frank offered, pleased that the judge was finding the idea of celebrating Christmas not so bad. "What do you need me to do?"

"Meet me at the hospital with some excuse on why we need to go somewhere for a while. That way I can leave the hospital for a while without him wondering where I am. Then we can go to the store and get the things for the dinner that Sarah needs and pick up the tree and decorations. I'll have to get him a gift, I hadn't bothered with it yet. After that we can put the decorations and put the tree in the den. I thought that maybe Mark and I could decorate it after he gets home," the judge explained.

"I actually managed to get off until after Christmas, so I can help you tomorrow," Frank said.

"I'm sorry, I never even thought that you may have had plans.," The judge said.

"No, I didn't have anything planned. I was just going to stay home and relax, but helping an old friend decorate his house for the holidays sounds like a nice way to spend the day," Frank told him, pleased to be able to help his friends celebrate their first Christmas together and the judge's first real Christmas since his family died.

"There is something else I was wondering," the judge said hesitantly.

"What is it," his friend asked curious over the judge's uncharacteristic hesitancy.

"I know that I was going to go to your house for Christmas Eve. I was wondering with Mark getting out of the hospital that day, if we could move it to my house. That way we can include him, since the doctor will probably not want him out and about. I thought that maybe Claudia and Sarah could make him a welcome home dinner and we could have a small informal party for him," the judge said and then waited for Frank's response.

"That sounds like a good idea, but I'll have to ask Claudia," Frank said. He noticed the questioning look from Claudia and motioned that he would tell her later. Turning his attention back to the judge, he said "I'll let you know what she said tomorrow when I pick you up at the hospital."

"Okay, see you tomorrow. He's in room 212 at LA General," the judge said hanging up the phone.

OOOOO

As Frank hung up the phone, he turned and prepared to tell Claudia the topic of the call. He knew that Claudia had taken an instant liking to the young ex-con from the first time she met him. He knew that she had been concerned about Mark and the judge when he had returned from Gulls-Way last week.

"Claudia, Mark was hurt today. He was fixing the Christmas lights when he fell from the roof." Seeing her obvious concern, he hurried to reassure her. "He is going to be okay. He broke his arm and has a concussion. The doctor is keeping him a few days to be sure there are no complications, but they don't expect any. Milt was calling because it made him realize that he had been unfair about letting Mark decorate and celebrate Christmas. He wanted to ask me help him decorate the house and get a tree to surprise him. He really wants to make it special for Mark since Mark was trying so hard to make it nice for him," Frank explained.

"You're sure he is going to be okay," she asked. Seeing Frank's nod, relaxed. "What did he want you to ask me?" she asked.

"Well, Milt was going to come over here for Christmas Eve, like he has in past years. He was wondering if you and I would like to go to his house instead. He said Mark is supposed to be released on Christmas Eve and since he won't be able to go out, he thought that way, Mark wouldn't miss on it. He wanted me to ask if you would help Sarah fix dinner for a welcome home Christmas party," Frank explained.

"I think that's wonderful. It will be great to see the Milt celebrating Christmas again, and Mark to have a good one. After what you told me about Mark, I don't think he has before," his wife exclaimed hugging him. "Of course, I'll help."

"I'm supposed to meet Milt at the hospital and pick him up to do something. I thought I would tell him that I needed him to go with him to pick up your present. That I need his help lifting it. That way we can go get the things he needs and decorate the house. And if you want, you could stay and keep Mark and Sarah company. Then Mark wouldn't wonder how I was going to get it into the house with you there." he explained, thinking to himself, "_now I can pick up that curio cabinet I wanted to get her, and had no way of hiding from her."_

"That sounds like a good plan. Sarah and I can get caught up on things as well as keep Mark company while you are gone," Claudia said as she thought of the Christmas that Mark wasn't expecting.

OOOOO

The next morning, then judge went into the gatehouse to get Mark some clothes and his personal items. He walked over to the tree and studied it again. It had only a few decorations on it and yet he knew the kid had been perfectly happy to have that little bit. "_It takes so little to make you happy. Why couldn't I see what I was asking you to give up. You miss your mother but yet you were still willing to celebrate. To make it memorable. Well, I think you will find this Christmas memorable, I know I already have."_ As he started to leave he noticed the packages under the tree and picked them up. He carried them into the house and put them on his desk. He would put them under the tree in there after it was decorated.

On the way to the hospital, Sarah gave the judge her list of things she would need for the Christmas dinner and for the party the next night. "I'm glad you decided to do this," she said.

"Well, the kid was willing to not celebrate Christmas for me, the least I can do is celebrate it for him. You know, I still miss Tom and Nancy terribly, but it isn't so bad since I'm not just doing it for the heck of it. Since I'm doing it because I want to and for someone, it doesn't hurt nearly as bad," he explained.

"Yeah, I'm glad you know that now," she said. "I was hoping that you would be able to enjoy the holidays again."

"Yeah, I think I just might do that," he said finding that he did believe it.

OOOOO

They entered Mark's room to find him sitting up in bed and watching TV. "Hi Sarah, Hi Judge!" he said as they entered.

"Good morning, Mark," Sarah said as she walked over to his bed and kissed him on the cheek. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Great," he said, and then hid a wince when his movements caused him pain. "I think I should be able to leave today," he suggested hopefully.

"Not a chance," the doctor said as he entered the room. "You were unconscious for a while yesterday and I want to be sure there isn't any problems. There haven't been yet and I don't expect any, but to be safe, you need to stay until tomorrow. If there are none by tomorrow morning, you can go home in the afternoon," he said.

"You heard him," the judge said. "You are going to stay right here until the doctor says you can go."

The doctor left saying, "I'll be by to check on you later this afternoon."

They spent time watching TV, until Mark grew tired and went to sleep for a while.

OOOOO

A little later there was a light tap on the door and Claudia and Frank came in. Mark who had awakened at the knock, greeted them with a smile.

"Hi, I didn't expect to see you two here," he said.

Claudia approached his bed and placing a hand on his arm replied, "well, after Milt told us that you were hurt, we had to come see if you were okay. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. A little stiff and sore, but I'm okay," he replied.

"Milt, I have an errand to run. I need to go pick up Claudia's present and I was wondering if you could come help me. It is a little heavy and I'll need help getting it into the house. Claudia is going to stay and keep Mark company while I'm gone," Frank said.

"Sure, I'll help. Mark, I'll be back in a while. Sarah and Claudia are here to keep you company. You listen to what the doctor said and rest," he said following Frank out of the room. Mark was watching the judge leave the room so he missed the winks that Sarah and Claudia sent each other.

OOOOO

Sarah pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down. She took Mark's hand and held it in hers. "Mark, I'm so glad you are okay. I was worried about you yesterday. I need to tell you something, something I should have told you a while ago. When you came to stay at Gulls-Way," she started to say.

"It's okay, I understand," he said.

"No, listen. When you came to Gulls-Way, I let you know that I felt you didn't belong there. But I was wrong. You are a good boy. You try hard and you have helped the Judge very much. He has been happier since you came than he has been in a long time," she explained. "I just wanted you to know that I'm glad he brought you home to Gulls-Way. I think that you are something special and I'm glad I met you."

Mark had listened without saying a word. That she was talking so nice about him made him a little uncomfortable. No one had ever talked to or about him that way. "Sarah, I'm glad he did too. I know that I may not always act like it, but I am glad to be living there. I think a lot of you and the Judge, just don't tell him I said so," he said blushing red from embarrassment.

Sarah and Claudia kept Mark company and while he slept they talked amongst themselves. They planned the party for the next night and talked about their plans for Christmas.

OOOOO

While the ladies were entertaining Mark, Frank and the judge set out to do what they needed to. They decide to take the judge's truck since Frank really did want to pick up a gift for Claudia. They went to get the cabinet for Claudia first and while there the judge picked up the gifts he needed. Then went for the lights and decorations. After that they stopped at the grocery store and the last stop they made before heading to Gulls-Way was the tree lot. There weren't a lot of trees left, but the judge did find one that was nice.

When they got to Gulls-Way, they had a quick lunch and then got started on decorating the house. They replaced the lights outside first and then moved inside to hang lights and garland and other decorations. They placed the tree in it's tree stand in the corner of the den. They sat the boxes of lights by the tree. The judge went up and got a box of ornaments that he wanted to put on the tree and placed it with the new boxes he bought today. He thought that he would mix the old memories with the new ones he wanted to create.

OOOOO

They returned to the hospital to find Mark playing with his food. The judge approached and tossed a bag at him. "Here, thought you might like something more in style with your usual tastes," he said.

Looking into the bag, he exclaimed excitedly, "Thanks, Judge. That hospital food is awful." He then took a big bite of his burger and took several fries from his bag.

After he ate, they all talked for a while and when Mark started to get tired, all his visitors decided to leave for the evening. After they left, Mark settled down thinking, "_it may not have been the Christmas I imagined, but at least I know that they do want me and they care about me."_ With those thoughts he drifted off to sleep.

OOOOO

The next morning, the doctor came to check on Mark first thing. He checked out his chart, and then took his vitals. He was pleased with what he saw and told Mark, "I'll get your release papers ready. When the Judge gets here, you can go home. But you need to take it easy for a while. No strenuous exercise or work until after New Years. I want to see you on the 2nd for a follow up."

"Thanks, Doc," he said as he started to get out of bed.

"Not so fast," the doctor said. "You stay in bed until the Judge gets here and he can help you get dressed."

"I can do it," he said.

"I know, but you will still be unsteady on your feet for a while and I don't want you taking any chances falling. You could hurt yourself worse and then you wouldn't get to go home yet." the doctor admonished gently.

"Yes, doctor," Mark answered quietly. "I'll wait for the Judge."

OOOOO

A little later, the Judge and Sarah arrived at the hospital. Sarah waited in the hall while the Judge helped Mark get dressed. Once he was finished dressing, Sarah came into the room to wait with them until Mark was given his release papers.

The doctor came by with the papers. He gave the judge the same orders that he gave Mark earlier that morning. He warned as they helped Mark into the wheelchair to leave, "No strenuous activities until after the New Years. Get plenty of rest and not a lot of moving around for a few days." He looked at the judge and gave him a nod, letting him know that the plans he had made for the next few days would not be too much activity.

They left the hospital and headed home. They stopped at the mall to eat at the food court. The judge and Sarah were wanting to delay the arrival home so Mark could see one of the surprises waiting for him there. The judge, realizing that they were going to be too early, said that he needed to get presents for Frank and Claudia. He left Sarah and Mark waiting for him in the food court and walked to the stores he had already saw the items he wanted. He made his purchases and then went back to rejoin the others. He helped Mark back to the truck and they started for home.

OOOOO

Upon arriving at home he saw that the lights had been fixed and were turned on. "Judge, the lights. I broke them," he said stunned to see them on.

"And I fixed them. Mark, I need to tell you that I was wrong about not wanting to celebrate Christmas. You were right, it should be celebrated. I was letting my grief keep me from enjoying it again. I need to thank you for helping me see that it is okay to enjoy it. That I can remember the good times with my family as well as have new good times with new friends," he told the young man.

The judge helped Mark up the walk and into the house while Sarah walked ahead to open the door. Sarah opened the door and stepped aside to allow the two men to enter. She watched Mark's face as he saw the sign hanging in the hallway. He was shocked at first and then joy quickly followed as he read the sign that read "Welcome Home Mark" and then looked at the people gathered there.

"Thanks, everyone," he said as the judge helped him into the den. As he entered the house and walked to the den he noticed that there were decorations everywhere. "Judge, did you do all the decorating? It looks great!" he said as he looked around. He stopped as he saw the tree and stood staring. "A tree," he said as he started toward it. He reached out a hand and touched one of the branches as if he couldn't believe it was there. "Almost just as I imagined," he said so quietly, that the judge almost didn't hear.

The judge led him back to the sofa and helped him sit down. He looked up into the judge's face and asked, "but I thought you didn't want a tree?"

The judge smiled and said, "yeah, but someone taught me that sometimes you do things for those you care about that you don't want to."

"Thanks, Judge," he said trying to hide the moisture suddenly in his eyes.

The judge having the same problem at the moment, raised up and sniffing suspiciously, told him, "sit and rest for a while, and later we'll decorate the tree."

"Really?" Mark asked, starting to rise from the sofa.

"Yes, later. Now you need to rest for a while. Why don't you lie down for a little while and we will decorate it in a while. You take a nap for about an hour and then we'll eat. After we have dinner, we'll decorate the tree," the judge prompted.

"Can Sarah, Frank and Claudia help us decorate the tree?" he asked

"If you want, sure they can." the judge answered. "Now lie down and rest," he said as he guided him into a reclining position.

Sarah brought a blanket and laid it over him, telling him, "rest well, Mark."

"Okay," he said closing his eyes.

They walked out of the den, shutting the door so as not to disturb him with noises from the kitchen.

OOOOO

An hour later, the judge entered the den quietly and gently nudged Mark awake. "Come on, kiddo. Wake up."

"Huh," he said groggily. "Oh, okay," he said rising.

The judge helped Mark into the dining room and into his seat. Then he took his chair. Sarah and Claudia brought the food in from the kitchen and then took their seats.

Everyone enjoyed the simple meal of chicken, potatoes and salad. The conversation was cheerful and gay. Mark looked around the table and smiled as he saw his friends surrounding him. The judge watched Mark as he ate and talked with his friends and was glad to see the young man smiling and happy. Sarah was happy as she watched Mark and the judge laugh as they hadn't over the last week.

OOOOO

After dinner they all moved to the den to decorate the tree. The judge put a chair near the tree so if Mark got tired or lightheaded he could sit down. The judge opened the boxes of new ornaments and handed some to Mark and the others. Sarah, Frank and Claudia tried to step back and allow Mark and the judge to place most of the ornaments, but Mark would hold one out to them every once in a while. Sarah stood back taking pictures.

Mark would look at each ornament in his hand for a moment and then look at the tree as if looking for just the perfect spot and then would put the ornament on the tree. Sarah and the judge had stood back to watch as he did this wondering just what he was thinking.

The judge went to the box that had the ornaments that had been from when Nancy and Tom were alive. He told Mark as he opened these box, "these are the ornaments that Nancy, Tom and I always put on our tree." When Claudia and Frank heard what he had said, they moved over to where Sarah was standing and watched the two men at the tree.

Mark thinking that he probably wanted to put them alone started to move to the side.

"Where are you going?" the judge asked.

"I thought you would want to put those on by yourself since they belonged to your family," Mark said.

"Mark, the ornaments are a part of my Christmas tradition. And now that tradition includes you putting ornaments on the tree. That includes these ornaments as well. Now come back over here and help me," the judge said.

"Okay, if you're sure," he said moving back over to the tree.

The judge handed him and ornament and told him where it came from. As an ornament was placed on the tree, he would tell Mark where it came from and when he got it. Sometimes his voice would get gruff with emotion as he remembered past times and sometimes he would laugh at a particularly funny incident.

When they were done, the judge told him, "when we take the tree down, we'll pack these new ornaments with these older ones, because the new ornaments are part of the tradition now and will belong on next years tree."

Mark looked at the tree and said, "it really looks good. Don't you think so, Judge."

"Yeah, Mark, I do." he said.

OOOOO

After the tree was decorated, Claudia and Frank exchanged gifts with the judge, Mark and Sarah. Then Frank and Claudia went home wishing them a Happy Holidays.

Walking back into the den after seeing Frank and Claudia out, the judge watched Mark looking at the tree for a few minutes. Then he walked in further and told Mark, "Mark, it's getting late. It's time to call it a day. You are supposed to be taking it easy after all. Sarah fixed up the bedroom across the hall from mine for you. Come on, I'll help you up to bed."

"I can stay in the gatehouse," he said.

"No, the doctor said you could get lightheaded and that we should watch you for a few days. Besides, Sarah would be very upset if I let you stay out there," he told him. "Now come on, let's go to bed."

The judge followed Mark up the stairs ready to catch him if he faltered. He then followed him into the bedroom and helped him get comfortable in the bed. Once he was settled, Sarah tucked the blankets around him and kissed his cheek as she said goodnight. The judge wished him goodnight and went across the hall to his bedroom.

OOOOO

Later that night, the judge awoke thinking he had heard a sound downstairs. Quickly checking the room across the hall and finding it empty, he suspected that Mark was downstairs. Quietly going down the stairs, so as to not wake Sarah, he found Mark exactly where he thought he would be.

Mark was sitting in a chair in front of the tree which he had turned on. The judge quietly stood watching him for a while. After a few minutes, he walked over to him and pulled up another chair.

"What are you doing down here? You should be in bed," the judge scolded him.

"I couldn't sleep. I just had to see it again." he said.

"You would have seen it tomorrow," the judge replied.

"I know," Mark said and still looking at the tree added, "but I was thinking about this Christmas and I couldn't sleep, so I came down here to see the tree. Sorry if I woke you."

"It's okay. I thought I heard a noise down here and when you weren't in your bed, I knew it had to be you," the judge said. "But I think you should go back to bed now."

"Okay," Mark said rising. He then walked back up to his room, followed closely by the judge. Once the judge had him settled into bed again, he returned to his room and was soon asleep.

OOOOO

The next morning, the judge and Sarah were in the kitchen when Mark came down for breakfast.

"Did you sleep well, Mark?" Sarah asked. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, Sarah. I slept just fine. I am hungry," he said sitting down at the table.

"How are you feeling today?" the judge asked.

"I'm feeling better. My head still hurts, but not as bad. My arm is aching some," he said.

"Good," the judge answered. "After breakfast, we'll go in the den and watch a game or two."

"I can help Sarah with the dishes first," he said.

"No," Sarah said. "You are to take it easy for a few days before you start doing things."

"But I was doing things yesterday. I helped put the decorations on the tree and helping with the dishes is not any more strenuous than that," he reasoned.

"Maybe not, but I got special permission for you to do those things yesterday. The doctor wanted you to rest and when I told him what I had planned, he said it would be okay as long as you rested for the next few. You are not to much for two days and then light jobs until your recheck on the 2nd," the judge explained.

""Okay," Mark said. He really didn't feel up doing much anyway. He then went back to his meal.

The judge turned to Sarah, "when you get done with the dishes, please come into the den and we will open out presents."

"Oh, okay," Sarah said, smiling.

OOOOO

After breakfast, Mark and the Judge moved into the den to watch the games. They found a game that they wanted to watch and settled down to watch.

Sarah came into the den a little later.

"Well, are you ready to exchange gifts, Mark?" the judge asked.

Mark was a little nervous about giving his gifts to the judge and Sarah, but wanted them to know how much he cared. "Yeah, I guess." he said.

The judge handed Mark his two gifts so he could give them to him and Sarah when it was his turn. He gave Sarah her gifts and picked up his two boxes. "Who is going to go first?"

"Let's let Mark, since it is his first here," Sarah suggested.

"No!" Mark exclaimed, suddenly nervous that he would be going first. "Someone else should go first."

Sarah, recognizing Mark's nervousness, and looking toward the judge saw the same nervousness reflected on his face, said that she would go first. She handed Mark and the judge their boxes from her.

Mark opened his box and found a lovely picture frame inside. "It's beautiful, Sarah," he said.

"I thought that maybe you would like to put your mother's picture in it. I noticed that the frame her picture is in now, is old and broken," she said.

"Oh, yes, it's perfect," he said.

"Would you like me to get her picture so you can put in the frame now?" the judge offered.

"Would you, Judge? You don't mind?" he asked

"No, I'll be right back," he said as he exited the den. He returned a few minutes later carrying the picture. Handing it to Mark, he watched as he removed it with great care from the old frame and placed it into the new one.

Turning the picture over, Mark looked at the face of his mother as thoughts of her filled his mind. "Thanks, Sarah, the frame looks great," he said. He looked up at her and his eyes shined with unshed tears. "I really love it."

Sarah walked over and looked at the picture. "She is very pretty," she said.

"I miss her," he said, a few tears falling onto the picture.

"I know, Mark," Sarah said putting her hand on his cheek and wiping the tears away. "But she is always with you," she said comfortingly.

"I know. Thanks for the frame, I'll treasure it always," he said holding on to his chest.

The judge watched the exchange between Sarah and Mark and ached for Mark having lost his mother so long ago. "Well, it's your turn, Judge. What did Sarah get you?" Mark asked him pulling out of his reflection

"Oh, let's see," he said as he opened the box. He pulled out a new photo album.

"I know that you other one is full and that you needed a new one," she said.

"Yes," he said. "And I have some pictures for it already, and after you get the ones from last night, I'll put some of them in here as well."

"Of course, Your Honor. I will give you copies and Mark copies too," she said. "Do you like it?" she asked.

"Yes, I sure do," he said.

The judge decide to go next and he Sarah her package. Mark's present wasn't small enough to put in his lap, so the judge placed it on the floor in front of him.

"Sarah, you go first. I did last time," Mark said.

"Okay," she said opening her package. Inside was a beautiful blouse. "Oh, Your Honor, it's beautiful. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Okay, Mark. It's your turn," he said turning toward him to see his reaction.

Mark opened his box and was surprised to see the stereo in the box. It has a tape deck, radio, turntable and speakers all in a walnut cabinet. When he didn't say anything, the judge thought maybe he didn't like it. "Judge, you didn't have to do this. I don't know what to say. Thank you," he said.

"It's Christmas and I know that all you have is that old stereo. If you're going to listen to that noise of yours at least you can listen to it on a stereo that doesn't sound like it's dying. This way when it sound like that, I'll know it's the music and not the stereo," the judge replied. "Okay, kiddo. It's your turn."

Mark handed the judge and Sarah their gifts.

"Judge, you go first," Sarah said.

"Okay," he said. He tore off the paper and then opened the box. He sat staring at the pistols laying inside and then as he read the card, he was stunned. He sat silently for so long, that Mark was scared that the judge didn't like the gift. He was about to tell the judge he would take them back when he heard the judge say, "Kiddo, they're great. I can't believe that you found something like this for me. I just can't believe it. I love them."

"I thought you might like them," Mark said.

"How did you find them?" he asked.

"When Sarah and I went to town last week, I saw them in the window of a collectible shop. I went in and the shop owner said they were replica guns from the show. When I got them home, I found the card under the felt on the bottom of the box. I couldn't believe it when I read it. I'm glad you like them," he said ending his explanation.

"Yeah, I do, very much. Okay, Sarah. Let's see what Mark got you," he said.

"Okay," she said opening the small box. When she did, she found a small heart shaped pendant on a chain. "Oh, Mark, it's beautiful. I love it. Thank you, she said giving him a kiss and hug.

"You're welcome. I'm glad that you like it," he said.

"I do, very much. I'd better get dinner started," she said, as she left the den to return to the kitchen.

OOOOO

Mark and the judge spent the afternoon in the den. The judge watched the games and Mark fell asleep halfway through the first one.

Later that day they ate Christmas dinner with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy and all the trimmings.

After dinner Mark and the Judge watched a movie and relaxed together. Mark was dozing in the chair when the judge turned off the TV to go to bed.

"Come on, kiddo. Time for bed.," he said as he helped him rise and start for the stairs.

"Judge, thanks," Mark said wearily.

"For what?" the judge asked.

"Caring. For doing all this to make it so special," Mark said.

"Well, I did start doing it for you, but somewhere along the line it became for me too," he told the young man as he helped him get settled in bed.

Mark laid there thinking after the judge went to his room. "_This was a great Christmas. Just like I wished for, like I always thought it should be. This really is home and I finally know where I belong. Right here."_ And with those thought he drifted off to sleep.

The judge went to his room and got ready for bed. As he laid in bed he thought, "_This Christmas wasn't so bad. It sure was better than the last several were. I still miss you Nancy and Tom and I know I always will. But I can enjoy Christmas again, without it hurting so much. It's because of that young man across the hall. He hasn't replaced anyone, just needed a place to belong. He taught me that ignoring the times that were special, doesn't make it hurt less. It just lets it lay there waiting to come back. By celebrating Christmas and remembering you and the life we had, it didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. This is his home now and I'm glad he's here."_ He rolled over and soon was fast asleep.

Sarah, having retired to bed earlier, awoke when she heard Mark and the judge come up the stairs. As she listened to the two men going to bed, she thought over the last two weeks and the last four days especially. "_I was worried about the two of them for a while there. I was afraid that they were not going to find a way to solve this. When Mark was going to great lengths to make it easier on the Judge, I was afraid that by sacrificing his feelings he would lose who he was. That he would not know the kind of Christmas that he should. But fate stepped in and helped both of them. They made it through this trial. They're going to be fine. Mark has found his home and the Judge has opened his heart again."_ Knowing that no matter what happened in the future the two men would be okay because they had each other, she went to sleep.

The End


End file.
